Your Teen’s Issue or Your Issue?
“I’m bringing my daughter in because she has a beard. That’s right. You heard me correctly. She has a beard and I am so embarrassed for her. Can we do something about it?” Hmmm…one would think having something as extraordinary as a beard would shake a teen’s sense of self and instead this teen was cool with it. She knew she just had to shave. Her mom on the other hand wasn’t taking it so well.
When you have a teen daughter amazing enough to carry something like facial hair (called hirsutism) and be cool with it. You know you have one of the most amazing teens to have ever lived. Something was done correctly to nurture this teen’s sense of self and their self-esteem. This should be enough to prompt any parent to ask, “Then why do I have such a problem with it” but this is not always the case.
You may have hopes of tweaking a grandfather’s nose there or an Aunt’s ears here so you feel better about what your teen says about you. You heard the teasing that the relative or friend underwent and you just don’t want that to happen to your teen. However not only is your teen fine, but they’re more bothered by you not letting their uniqueness go after hearing they’re fine with it.
So often a parent’s desire to perfect their teen is about their own self-esteem and sense of self. It’s important to know the difference since failure to do so is a missed opportunity to work on yourself as well as give kudos to your teen. It also gives your teen the wrong impression that you have a problem with who they are or they are not okay they way they are, and that is the worst message you could possibly convey to your teen.